Jeffrey Millard "Sparky" Brallier was born in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, in poverty, to an itinerant railroad family that wandered Western Pennsylvania, looking for seasonal work. Date of birth, unknown, but believed to be during the Korean War.

After infancy, Jeff became seventeen. Not too many years later he turned twenty.It would be many, many years, however, before he became 40. His current age is an unreliable "ring count" estimate. Don't worry about it.

Abashed. sullen, even prickly at times regarding his lack of formal academic credentials. Brallier resents anyone who is "well educated" and tends to taunt them in public. Annoying.

Jeff has followed the exploits of Pittsburgh sports franchises and Maryland Basketball seemingly since the Pleistcocene Epoch, while despite some successes, finds limited joy and continues to torture himself and those around him.

Jeff has, only very recently, reached a personal decision to clear his conscience and admit that he is the father of Octomom's children, and wonders if any money is involved. Especially if, somehow, he could just get all of them into a balloon