Las Vegas Reaches Peak Stupid: Slap Fighting Approved

By Scott Roeben, on October 25 2022

3 min read 6 comments

Las Vegas Las Vegas WTF

In further evidence we’re all doomed, slap fighting has been approved by the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC).

This opens the door to the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship)—known for a “sport” consisting entirely of people beating the crap out of each other for
profit—to host slap fighting matches. In Las Vegas. Which is why this is Vegas-related. Sadly.

If you’re not familiar with slap fighting, it’s exactly as moronic as it sounds. People slap each other in the face until somebody gives up.

The President of UFC, Dana White, is expected to launch his Dana White’s Power Slap League on Nov. 11, 2022. The photo above is from a promotional video. We aren’t sharing the link.

Unless aliens land and force humans to not be mindless savages, there are likely to be slap fighting matches in Las Vegas soon, at UFC’s off-Strip Apex facility.

The members of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, all clearly rocket scientists in their own right, vetted the so-called “sport” of slap fighting and have deemed it “legitimate,” and will ensure the proper “safety measures” and “regulations” are in place.

Wow, our quotation mark keys are getting quite the workout on this one.

Slap fighter participants will undergo pre-fight medical testing and events will have a medical staff onsite.

One of the pre-fight tests should be a written exam with an essay question asking combatants to talk about how unsafe football is due to concussions resulting from
repeated blows to the head.

This video is helpful.

Aside from Dana White, Lorenzo Fertitta is also involved in bringing this new exhibition of human asininity to an obscure sports cable network near you. Fertitta is the former owner of UFC and is the CEO of Red Rock Resorts, the parent company of Station Casinos. He and his brother Frank own more than 40% of Red Rock Resorts.

We would personally enjoy seeing the Culinary Union and Station Casinos resolving their long-standing and acrimonious conflicts via slap fighting. Which we don’t
condone. But still. Take our money.

So, that’s it. The dumbest Las Vegas thing in recent memory. And that’s an impressive feat given Las Vegas is full of deeply stupid things, including cigars, All Net Resort news conferences, paper straws, bone-in chicken parm, surge pricing in gift shops, prohibitions against photography in casinos, the list goes on and on.

It’s possible you expected the “Peak Stupid” in our headline to be about Palms hosting three scam artists posing as “mediums,” but that would be more appropriately classified as “Peak Preying on the Vulnerable.” Shame on these illywhackers, and shame on Palms for taking their money. This time, we’ll provide the link, because you look like you could use a good laugh.

Here’s a lovely segment about so-called mediums, just as a reminder if you believe in this nonsense or encourage it, you’re part of the problem.

We are exhausted from all the griping, so we’ll wrap this up.

We don’t begrudge people the things that give them enjoyment, but anyone who enjoys slap fighting or watching it really needs to take a good, hard look inward.

Seriously, we can do better. We should be more evolved than backward countries where people whack each other with sticks for entertainment or cowards jab terrified bulls with swords until they bleed to death.

Let’s read more. Let’s learn more. Let’s spend our time and energy on something enriching, please. Let’s make something more of our lives and make the world a better place, not worse.

Let’s collectively say “no” to slap fighting. We’ve simply gone too far.

This isn’t a case of the marketplace telling us whether or not something is a good idea. People would pay to watch car wrecks. (Oh, wait, they do. Demolition derby. But you get our point.) Can we all at least agree upon snuff films? Please?

Slapping isn’t fun. It’s violence. Violent sports encourage violence. People who participate in violent sports are more likely to commit violence away from the ring or stage or field. Aggression isn’t something to be encouraged. Violent sports should be shamed and rejected and straight-up banned. Yes, all of them. It’s for the betterment of our country and our world. Like banning smoking. Wait, it’s Las Vegas. We should probably find a better example.

If you’re not feeling particularly motivated to jump on the anti-violent sport bandwagon, think about this: When the aforementioned aliens land, they’re going to see people voluntarily slapping each other for entertainment and we’re all going to be vaporized.

Therefore, we must put an end to slap fighting and other violent sports before Humankind is wiped from the face of the Earth. Which, granted, depending upon who you ask (like anything living in the ocean), might not be the worst thing, ever.

Are we saying mollusks have more sense than people advocating or watching slap fighting and other violent sports for entertainment? Well, we’re certainly not not saying it.